"Have you seen the funniest joke book the world has ever known"? Over and over he repeats his opening line. Some people speak, some pass him by, some ignore him, stiff-lipped and stoic. But throughout it all he continues his schpeel, hocking his books and retaining his sense of humor. Sometimes his intro changes. "You look like a person with a great sense of humor", which he follows with, "Guess not", when ignored, "Does summer school have you depressed?", "Did you know my books go well with frozen yogurt?", and several others. If you have been anywhere near the bookstore on 13th street then you know I can be speaking of only one person, known simply as, Frog.
Frog must be in his 50's by now, although he has changed very little since I first met him 10 years ago. His hair, hanging in a ponytail to his shoulder blades, is gray with white streaks and a bit unkempt. A like colored beard hangs from his chin nearly to his chest. He's no giant of a man, medium hight, but he does have a healthy beer belly. He wears plaid shorts and t-shirts with floppy sandals upon his feet. Today he wears a t-shirt with a huge green frog on the front advertising "Frog Beer", some specialty east coast micro brew. Frog writes, compiles and publishes a varitable slew of very stupid and mildly amusing joke books. Actually the jokes are funnier than that, but they are fairly stupid. For example, What is a panther? A person that makth panth!! Or, Why does a bald man have no use for keys? He has lost all his locks!! Like I said, pretty stupid and mildly funny. He has published over 25 books, twelve of which are children's books. Folks easily offended may want to steer clear of many of Frog's books. His latest is entitled, Frog's Last Supper. On the cover is a rather good depiction of the more famous final dinner painting only now a frog has top billing.
Frog has had to fight to stay on that block in order to hock his wares. The City attempted to regulate and shut down his operation completely. Frog, however harmless he may appear, is not one to be trifled with. He went through the court system and successfully defended his right to sell in that locale. He did agree to set up a vending machine, basically a second hand newspaper box painted blue and green. Customers must then deposit their money and retrieve their purchase from the box. Essentially he is forbidden from physically selling the books, but not advertising them. Crafty fellow.
The point is that this guy has been doing this for years. Literally. Some days he can actually make a good deal of money at $2-$3 a book. Other days, like this one, he can't sell a single one. But wait, he might just have a sale! Brace yourself....hold on.....Yes! He has sold a $3 book! Congratulations, Frog! I was kind of worried for ol' Frog. It's not easy watching someone work so hard for such a lowly profit, although I should be used to it, after all I am a teacher! But seriously, he has to put up with people who will simply ignore him, even...wait...another possible victim. This time it was the line, "Did you know my joke books will go with your iced tea?", which pulled in the customer. He's explaining his books to him now. I think he has another sale...wait....Yes! He sold another $3 book! Amazing! Frog will even autograph it for no extra charge. As I was saying, some folks even harbor some hostility towards him. I suppose if you worked on campus and had to put up with him day after day you would get pretty sick of it. My friend Steve, for example, has tuned Frog out completely and refuses to acknowledge his presence.
Dealing with Frog is akin to a rite of passage in this part of town. Each new freshman class, I'm sure, thinks he is the funniest thing in the western world and will purchase at least one of his books. Soon, however, he begins to strain their patience and they inevitably tire of him. In spite of this he has true friends, or at least acquaintances, with whom he speaks as they come past. If he's in the midst of a sale he will often point to one of them and call out, "Right there is a satisfied customer". But wait...he has now been challenged! One should never challenge Frog. A young man walked up and said, "If you can make me laugh I'll buy one". Bad idea! Low and behold Frog delivers a whopper and the guy laughs. Another sale! Just a minute! What's this? Yet another person buying one without even the advantage of a come-on line! Humans never cease to confound me. Let's count.....that makes four sales in the last hour. That's a rate of $12 an hour! Shoot, if it were stable income I'd start doing it!
Well, I've been sitting here in front of Humble Bagel for nearly two hours listening to Frog do his thing and am now sick of it. I must head immediately to Taylor's and have a pint of honey witzen beer to rinse, "Have you seen the funniest joke book the world has ever known?", from my head. If I don't it will surely do great harm.