J. Malcom McRae, Jr.
Oregon Writing Project 1999
It has long been said, "there is nothing new under the sun." So when it comes to clichés, no job is too large or too small. In a class by themselves, clichés are just what the doctor orders when it comes to choosing just the right word for that tried and true expression. If this sounds too good to be true, it probably is&emdash;but don't get your undies in a wad, because if clichés weren't everything they're cracked up to be, they wouldn't be clichés. So when you give it your all, be sure to use that very special blast-from-the-past to win friends and influence enemies.
For example, I was pondering the imponderable, when I begin to think about life without parole. Although diametrically opposed to the very idea and allegedly innocent until proven guilty, here I sit, a complete basket case. Everyday, American criminals clog the court system with their frivolous appeals while I, as a responsible citizen don't have a snowball's chance of even winning a simple probation hearing. The important thing to remember, is that clichés can always cut the mustard. So the bottom line, no matter how you slice it, is that clichés just flat-out work.
As a matter of fact, Shakespeare himself employed clichés to excess. Take Hamlet, please. This play would be a complete train wreck, perhaps an epic disaster, were it not replete with clichés, and they bear repeating once in a while. Polonius: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." Polonius again: "To thine own self be true." Polonius again: "Brevity is the soul of wit." This is not to say that Shakespeare bent over backwards to give all the good lines to Polonius, but that I exercised good common sense in delivering a highly valued, readily available, easily applied, non-perishable outside source. If it's good enough for Shakespeare, then it's good enough for you.
Writing clichés should not be taken lightly. The ability to string trite, well-worn phrases together like peas in a pod, rests squarely on one's inability to think for yourself, but as I said before in a manner of speaking, if (the cliché) ain't broke, don't fix it.
You may be asking yourself, where do we go from here? Since there is no such thing as a stupid question, I say, "That is a good question," and will make up an answer that appears to be tailored to your specific needs. It would be a misnomer to imply that, all things being equal, writing clichés will keep you out of hot water. That, quite simply, is far from the truth&emdash;but in lieu of offering a veritable cornucopia of two-bit solutions, I will now digress. Before you consider mixing metaphors, bear in mind that practice makes perfect and when it comes to the shortest distance between two points, you had better be careful what you wish for&emdash;because if you don't get it, somebody else will. Isn't that a sobering thought?
Once in a great while, something magic happens and all the pieces just seem to fall into place. Don't make the same mistake I made by dismissing it as an act of God or a figment of your imagination. You can do much better than that. After all, there are other fish in the ocean&emdash;but don't just take my word for it&emdash;ask any mermaid you happen to see. You can bet your bottom dollar, that if there's anything that'll give you a run for your money, a cliché will fit like a hand in a glove.
In closing, keep it simple stupid. If you haven't got it by now, you never will. You've got to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, know what I mean? When it comes to writing you've got to decide whether to fish or cut bait. It's a simple case of the "haves" and the "have nots," the new and the old, the just and the unjust, the quick and the dead, the young and the restless, the Hatfields and the McCoys, the Owl and the Pussy Cat, and the good, the bad, and the ugly. Before you chart a course for your next writing project, you must remember this&emdash;read and follow all label directions.