Lisa

By

Rene J. Cobb

The hands were reaching out to her, grasping and pleading. She was running away, scurrying down the sidewalk as fast as she could, but not fast enough. The hands were near her now as she tried to scream. Nothing. Only silence and terror as the hands touched her shoulder. Lisa awoke, her heart pounding, her stomach aching and her eyes open in the dark room. As her eyes adjusted, she could make out the bed, with a figure in it, on the other wall and the lights outside the broad, fourth floor window. It took her a few seconds to realize that she wasn't in her own bed. Instead, she was in the room they had given her when her family dropped her off at the hospital yesterday. Lisa began to cry quietly. She had no idea what time it was, only that she was alone and frightened. She went over yesterday's events and the sudden turn her life had taken.

The day before was planned as a family trip to Portland with her aunt and mother. They were to see OMSI, the zoo and go out to lunch at a restaurant where she was told that she could have anything she wanted on the menu. Mostly, she wanted a large Dr. Pepper, one that the waitress would fill over and over again. The zoo had been the best part, the baby animals had been so cute and she enjoyed petting the animals in the children's section. They would approach her, nuzzling and hoping for some food. Her Aunt Ricky had given her some animal snacks and the goats and deer ate it right out of her hands. At lunch, her mom and aunt had told her how much the animals had been drawn to her and how gentle she had been with the little kids that crowded around her while she fed the young animals. More than anything, she loved little kids and young animals. Everyone knew she had a natural talent.

At lunch, as she gulped her Dr. Pepper, she led the conversation back again to the petting zoo and how she taught one of the kids how to hold out her hand letting the goat approach her so the goat would not be frightened. The little girl's mother had even thanked her for being so helpful. Lisa talked about becoming an elementary schoolteacher. Her aunt and mother nodded in agreement, but mostly they let her babble on about her plans; Lisa hadn't felt this good in awhile. It was nice to have her mother and aunt's undivided attention, no brother to fight with, no phone calling her mother away, no unexpected guests knocking on the door, just Lisa, her mother and her favorite aunt.

As Ricky paid the bill, Lisa and her mother talked about the next part of the day. Lisa wanted to go shopping downtown, but apparently Ricky had a friend to visit in the hospital: That would have to come first. Lisa wasn't too happy about this but figured the sooner it was over, the sooner she could have her aunt and mother all to herself again. They got in the car and headed for the hospital

While Ricky went to find her friend's room number, Lisa and her mother waited in the lobby. Soon, Ricky came back to report that her friend was on the fourth floor. Ricky said, "Come with me. I don't want to go alone." Lisa's mother got up with no hesitation and Lisa followed them to the elevator.

Lisa questioned, as she straggled behind, "Will this take long?" She was trying to be a good sport, but she noticed that her voice sounded whiny and almost angry. Her aunt and mother didn't answer her question and they were strangely silent as the lights in the elevator moved up the floors. Why were they so fascinated with those numbers? Lisa wondered as the elevator doors opened into a hallway leading to a door with a doorbell next to it. She had never seen a doorbell in a building before. Her mother rang the bell and a woman with red hair and a blue dress came, opening the door with a big smile. The woman introduced herself as Mandy, the welcome wagon. She kept moving down the hallway, talking the whole time. Lisa looked into rooms they passed, seeing some kids playing Foos Ball in one, some other kids sitting in a circle in another and some empty, but for a couple of chairs and some posters. Soon, they were all sitting in Mandy's office. "There's something we need to tell you", her mother said hesitantly, "We've brought you here because we're all worried about you, Lisa."

"What do you mean? I thought we were coming to visit Aunt Ricky's friend." Lisa's voice was rising, her face was flushed and her eyes big. She was squirming in her chair, crossing and uncrossing her legs. Her coat was part way off her shoulder, the way she liked to wear it, though now she pulled it up around her neck, holding the collar tight around her.

"We think that you may need some extra help," Aunt Ricky finally said, "Things that have happened at home and at school are not OK. These people can help figure out what's wrong and how to help you feel better. Mandy is going to tell you what they can do here and?"

"I don't need help. I'm fine, " Lisa interrupted. Her voice was getting louder. She rose from the chair and looking at her mother accusingly, "Why don't you help her? She's the one that needs help. It's her fault, it's always her fault!"

Mandy took over by asking Aunt Ricky and Lisa's mother to give some details of the problems at home and school. With Lisa protesting and interrupting, her mom and Aunt Ricky talked about the constant arguing, the police visits to the house, her school truancy, referrals and suspensions, the late nights out, the drugs and cigarettes, the missed counseling sessions, the forgotten anti-depressants, the pregnancy tests, the endless school meetings, the talk of suicide and finally, the threat to her teacher.

As they talked about her, Lisa started putting together the events of the past week. She remembered the meeting at school where the school psychologist, the principal, her special education teacher, her mother and others kept nagging at her, talking about her and the arguing that finally led to her running from the room, yelling, "I'll be in the car; you're all so stupid. I hate you!" After waiting impatiently, she had gone back to the meeting to find everyone still talking about her. They asked her to come back in and she did for a few minutes, only to fill with rage again, yelling and cussing at them all. The after-school meeting went on till almost 5:00. When her mother finally drove them home, neither spoke and as the car stopped in the driveway, Lisa jumped out and ran across the street to Tammy's, the woman she babysat for every weekend.

"We are going to have you stay here for a bit, Lisa," Mandy was saying, "We'll ask you a lot of questions, have you do some schoolwork and see if we can help you?"

'Stay here for a bit' was all Lisa heard as she ran out the office screaming, "There's no fucking way I'm staying here! I'll hitchhike back to Springfield if I have to!" There were a few people in the long hallway as Lisa made her way to the door with the doorbell on it. As she pulled on the doorknob, her stomach tightened. The door was locked. She could not get out. She was so mad now, pacing back and forth, muttering. She headed back to Mandy's office, entered yelling, "Stop talking about me! I want to leave and the door's locked. Let me out! I want to go home!" Lisa was crying now, standing up. Her mother came to her to hug her, but Lisa's flailing arms kept her away. "Don't touch me!" Lisa cried and yelled at the same time. "I don't want to be here! I'll be good. I'll go to school. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't leave me here!"

"We've already made up our minds, Lisa. You will stay here," Aunt Ricky emphasized, "We love you and don't want you to mess up your life anymore. These people can help; they will also help your mom and brother. Then you can come back home."

"When? When can I go home?" Lisa pleaded. She was looking at Mandy because she couldn't stand looking at her mother anymore.

Mandy said quietly, "The time will depend on how much you do here, how much you share and cooperate. Most kids stay 6-14 days. Almost every kid then goes back home but every once in awhile someone goes somewhere else first before returning home. It will really be up to you and the people you work with to decide when you go home. Your mom and brother will come back in two days to meet with you and the psychologist, so you can start getting along better. You'll share a room with a girl named Karen; she's been here a week now. We have a rec room with exercise equipment. You'll attend two group sessions daily as well as one hour of private counseling. School is three hours. Bedtime is 10:00 till 7:00. We eat meals together. I know you're angry and upset now, but I think you won't find it that bad here. Most kids think the time goes by quickly. Of course, one of us is available at any time, in case you need us."

Lisa cried quietly while Mandy explained all the details. Her mother and Aunt Ricky were even crying a little. "Please don't make me stay here," Lisa halfheartedly begged. She really felt trapped now. She'd have to wait. They're stupid; she'll figure a way out. No way she would stay here that long. She noticed her mother filling out forms with Aunt Ricky. No one was paying attention to her now. Maybe, she'd never see them again. Maybe, they'd leave and never come back. She started crying again. Mandy was handing her more Kleenex. Her mother and aunt were done with the forms; they were saying goodbye to Mandy and now her, trying to touch her hair, hug her, telling her that they loved her. She didn't want to be touched ever again. She didn't believe they loved her or would come back to get her. The last thing she said to them was, "Have a good life. I hate you!"

Now, as she lay in the strange room, she realized that she did want to be touched and hugged. She wanted to be in bed with her mother, sleeping next to her as she often did, with their dogs on the foot of the bed and her red Elmo tucked under her arm. She wanted Aunt Ricky to be there to brush her hair and French braid it like she could. She wanted to be walking to school, to get there on time, to help out her teacher, to get the best grade in reading and to go to the elementary school, where she worked in a second grade classroom, so she could see all the little kids, the ones that loved her and ran to her when she arrived. She realized now, in the dark, in a strange room, that she hadn't felt these things in a long time. She hadn't wanted anything lately; she had felt nothing good for months. All of a sudden, she saw her life as something worth living, something worth getting back to. Maybe this would help her, maybe all those people did love her. She felt some hope as she curled up in the bed, sleepily pulling her covers around her, imagining her mother next to her, Elmo in her arms and the dogs at her feet.