ADDIE ROSE COMES HOME

Leslie and I have been friends for several years. To an outside observer we may appear an unlikely duo because of our patent differences, but I have never favored mirror images and my friend brings a richness to my life I value daily. Our friendship has always included my son Kane and she has watched him grow and mature. Because Leslie has been unable to host a child of her own it is her wait for motherhood that I report here.

Leslie's waiting has been patient, frantic and shadowed often by a sadness that drove much of who she was these last many months. I caught the doubt in her voice and mourned silently with her when at age 40 the last of the "procedures" proved fruitless and empty. Her loss, however painful was accompanied by a steadiness of hope and resolve that steered her through the seemingly endless weeks and months when motherhood seemed to tease, trample and ultimately elude her.

The media assaults us with painful images of overcrowded orphanages in China, Russia and Romania. Here is these holding bins it is reported hundreds of children linger, suffer and die from "failure to thrive" a condition mere human contact would eliminate. How is it I ask, that in this sea of unwanted children my determined friend cannot locate one child to adopt and call her own?

In addition to working with social service agencies around the state, Leslie involved herself in the process of open adoption. The home office for this organization is located here in Eugene?and it was from this office the call came two week ago reporting, "We have a baby for you. Be here by 3:30 tomorrow." As usual, the universe had a plan and through Leslie's persistence and resolve eight day old Adelaide Rose entered my life quickly and unexpectedly two short weeks ago.

Because open adoption involves the birth parents in the process the actual exchange of the baby can be excruciatingly painful. No amount of counseling and mediation can truly prepare one for the consuming sense of grief and loss when one relinquishes a child. It was an extremely painful two hours; leaving the baby, Leslie and the birth parents spent. We left the agency in what felt like surreal conditions; Adelaide tucked away securely in protective arms, her new mother numbed by the intensity of her emotion. It wasn't the joyous experience suggested in books and stories. I felt I was living an abstraction, stuck in some moment that could produce only a Pollack canvas. What was I doing in this picture?

The intensity continued. Addie screamed and wailed her way through the night. Leslie was so drained from the exchange she shut down emotionally and wanted only to sleep. This was definitely not the stuff of those sentimental novels where the baby coos, sleeps and makes those cute, just-out-of-the-womb faces while mom watches contentedly. Both of them were completely traumatized.

I had a sleepless, but wonderful first night with this child as Leslie attempted to revitalize herself. I laughed as 1:00, 2:13, 3:37 and 4:16 flashed red from the clock while this mite of a child slept tenuously on my chest, my neck cocked in an unnatural position, too afraid to disturb what little rest she was getting. Any attempt to put her down drew immediate, sustained wails. It had been a long time since I had been here, but in no time the mothering instincts that came so naturally to me with my own child 19 years ago returned. Addie allowed me to relive that moment and I felt full and blessed that difficult night when this child finally came home to Leslie.

The morning brought a new and more restful day to us all. Leslie took charge of her child and the baby responded. We went out to breakfast and Addie slept, while we laughed and revisited the night. These two, it appeared, were required to pass through some psychic corridor that night in order to emerge mother and daughter with morning's light.

Addie's leap into my life is marked in time. Do I have some unconventional tie to this child? You bet? I am eternally grateful to Leslie for having the courage to adopt and know Addie's existence in our lives will give many of us the opportunity to give new and full meaning to, "it takes a village to raise a child. Welcome home Adelaide.