A couple of weeks later, I was tossing and turning
and couldn’t sleep because the new pageant was a go. Bernadette had
borrowed my best red dress with the multi-color bolero vest so she could be
Miss Spain, the reigning Miss Universe, and host of this pageant.
We had rounded up several
miscellaneous kids from all over Tamarak asking permission from their mothers
to participate in a very big pageant and gave each contestant a country to
represent. We told them it would
be “a wonderful opportunity.”
Kathy, as Miss Japan, was asked to bring a bedsheet to be her formal
costume. Laura as Miss India was
also asked to bring one. We invited three apartment ladies to be the judges,
since they were always outside on their lounge chairs anyway and they happily
agreed to haul their chairs, cigs, and cans of beer over to our backyard plot and pageant ground.
Bernadette had given me
a heads up on the final secret question, which was going to be “If you
could meet anyone in the world, who would it be and why.” That was why I
couldn’t sleep, because I couldn’t think of anyone good. Finally I tiptoed out to the couch and
woke up my mother to get advice.
She didn’t know either and wasn’t happy about me waking her
up. Finally she came up with
“Princess Grace Kelly of Monaco, because it would be an honor and dammit get back to bed.” I
didn’t know Grace Kelly, but it sounded good and I slept.
***
Before cutting to a
commercial break, the camera pans the last 5 finalists as they hold their pose
and smile in the judges direction.
Host Daisy Fuentes invites us to stay tuned as one of these girls will
become the next Miss Universe 2003.
She reminds us that for one of these girls it will be “...a
wonderful opportunity.” I
laugh outloud.
***
The day was sunny and I
remember Bernadette in my dress, welcoming the panel of smoking lady
judges. In addition to the red
dress, Bernadette had also come up with a pair of authentic castanets, which she incorporated into her welcome bow.
The judges were wearing shorts and halter tops because they were also
working on their tans. They really seemed to enjoy the kids parading around in
sheets and all the curtseys.
Bernadette
kept the show moving along and finally got us to the finals. This consisted of Bernadette’s
sister Linda, and me. Bernadette
asked me the big question and I smiled and the words came out very smoothly,
but maybe stiffly, but still good, I think, about what an honor it would be to
meet Princess Grace Kelly of Monaco. The ladies sipped from their cans, took
some drags off their cigarettes and nodded seriously. I took this as a sign
that what I had said carried importance.
***
During the final
question round, each girl has to dip her hand into a box and retrieve her
secret question. Miss
Serbia/Montenegro is asked, “If you could be fire or water, which would
you be and why?” Her face becomes flustered and she stammers “...I
dunt know. I am a garril...a
human...I cannot be a fire or water...there is no answer for that question...I
am a pearson.” She sticks
her smile back on and stares out.
Apparently, she is not able to think in abstractions.
***
The host Miss Spain
turned to ask the question of Linda. At this point, Linda who was wearing a
gray wool maxi coat with black buttons as her formal wear representing Scotland,
stomped off and said she wasn’t going to play. Her face was all red and I
recognized the symptoms. Next came the tears. She was wrecking the moment and I wanted to kick her, but I had to remain inposition. I clenched my teeth, still smiling, and stood there like a statue, feeling anger.
Bernadette was upset too, being snotty to Linda and insisting that she
couldn’t just quit, it was too late.
Then the apartment
ladies began to cajole her, crooning and baby talking, “Linda, come on,
this is just for fun. Come
baaaaaack...Linda....Oh Linda...” and they whispered amongst themselves,
“well, she doesn’t wanna play...I don’t blame her...come on
honey...” After several minutes of this, Linda inched her way back to
position. Bernadette regained her
composure as host and posed the question, “Miss Scotland If you could
meet anyone you wanted in the world, who would it be and why? The ladies were silently watchful.
Linda,
with her head down and blushing, hands in both pockets and wrapped all tight in
the coat, murmured, “I don’t know....Glen Campbell, I guess,
because I think he’s cute.”
The ladies went into
ecstasy over this reply letting out whoops and gleeful titters, and there was
much nodding and clinking of Coors cans. Miss Scotland was crowned that day.
***
Miss Dominican Republic
steps up to answer her question, “What is the best present you ever
received and why?” In her
native language she replies, “according to my grandma it’s a letter
that she wrote to me when I was young and it always makes me feel very emotion
[sic] because it is not what you write but it is the feeling you put behind
it.” The audience goes wild.
***
The next day, I talk
long distance with my mom. Did she
watch the pageant? Oh yes, and
wasn’t the winner beautiful?
That is the most beautiful Miss Universe I’ve ever seen. Just gorgeous. Miss Dominican Republic. That beautiful face and dark brunette hair. She is so pretty.
Indeed.